Gender Shouldn't Matter
by Child of the Moon's Shadow
Summary: Haruhi's thoughts on the incident at the beach.
I was not their fucking princess.

…Okay, maybe I was. But that didn't mean I'd willingly be their trophy. Sure as hell didn't mean I should play the part of their damsel in distress.

As much as I appreciated their concern and their help, I felt smothered by the order that I was supposed to be the damsel that they—knights, princes, kings—were to protect from harm. By such order I was supposed to run into their chests pleading for their help and they would wrap their strong arms around me, whispering _it'll be okay_. Then they would pull me out of harm's way and gallantly save the other maidens ailed by scoundrels on the high cliff.

Bullshit. Absolute bullshit. I was right fucking there. No way in hell was I going to turn my back and cry for help when I could've easily done something. Anything. After all, I may be a princess by gender and in the eyes of the hosts, but to those maidens (and the rest of the kingdom of Ouran) I was a prince. An effeminate prince, but a prince nonetheless. Don't princes help the maidens in trouble? Therefore, as the closest 'prince' to the danger, I was to act; was I not? Even such, being the princess I was didn't mean I couldn't come to the aid of my fellow sisters.

Going up against three men was pretty risky. Hell, maybe I was too fucking full of myself for my own good, but dammit I had just as much right to be full of myself as any of those same men or those rich bastards. Yes, I was out of my league. Sure, against those three men it took only one to throw me off the cliff, and I blacked out hitting the water.

…But I would do it again if the situation called.

It doesn't matter whether I'm a typical princess, effeminate prince, or princess merely disguised as a prince. It doesn't matter how small my size or how lacking in physical strength I am.

If I have the opportunity to help, I will help.

My gender shouldn't have anything to do with it. End of story.

…I said as much to Tamaki-senpai, but he wouldn't listen. After I'd been thrown off the cliff, after he dove in the water and saved me, senpai held me close. Just like the noble prince his character portrait entailed. For a moment, as a princess that was rescued, I had let the thought of him as my prince warm me a bit—I was a little cold anyway—but he just had to pull the macho trap card, getting on my case about how stupid and reckless I'd been for allowing myself to be put in such danger.

That was a real turn-off. Just what the hell was he so upset about? Sure, his concern was reasonable, but being all mad and taking the heat out on me? Just where the hell did he get off giving me flak?

I persisted: "A man…a woman…those things don't matter, does it? When you encounter such a situation, you don't have the luxury to think about something like that…"

Tamaki-senpai just called me stupid and said that I should think about those things. I seethed, unable to understand why he wouldn't try to understand me. He didn't see me for who I am. He only saw me as their fragile princess. So did the others, it seemed. I had their love. But their respect? No. Not in this sense.

I would gladly apologise for causing trouble for everyone, but I wouldn't stand for the way he was scolding me and I let him know it. He had the nerve to say he was no longer going to speak to me until I realised what I'd done wrong.

 _Done wrong?_ As far as I was concerned, a few of our guests were in trouble and needed help and I did just that. Helped. Simple as that. Yet, Tamaki-senpai and the others were so caught up in my gender and lack of physical strength to even acknowledge it.

Whatever.

Tamaki-senpai could be angry for all I cared. Not that I bought for a second that he would stay true to his threat of silence. Seriously, as he stormed off the beach he kept looking back pitifully as if the mere thought of his silence was supposed to sway me to admit he was in the right and I was wrong. He needed to fucking get over himself. That's why I'd taunted him a bit at dinner. Childish, I know, but what he'd said at the beach had really stung.

…The others were no better.

At dinner, after Kyoya-senpai and Tamaki-senpai had left, was when Hikaru, Kaoru, Mori-senpai and Honey-senpai made known that they basically sided with Tamaki-senpai. They expressed their worry. Everyone just thought I was in the wrong. Honey-senpai urged me to apologise to Tamaki-senpai and to them all. I apologised for making them worry—genuinely sorry that my actions scared them—yet as these hosts enveloped me in a hug and I began to feel sick, I couldn't help but think they didn't consider my feelings one bit…

They're caught up in their own little worlds. Full of themselves. Each and every one of them.

And then there was Kyoya-senpai.

"I mean, before you think about not caring, realise how much of an easy target you are. It's up to you if you wanna be all innocent, but being so defenceless is your fault."

Just what the hell was he playing at?

Trapped between him and the sheets of his bed, I guess I appeared a bit too calm. Mostly, I didn't know what to do about his sudden attack. I was scared for a moment. After I collected my thoughts, I knew Kyoya-senpai wouldn't go further than hold me down on the bed. Attacking me would hold no merit for him.

Essentially, like all the other hosts, he was saying that I was easily overpowered and only had myself to blame. That as a woman it's my responsibility to make sure I don't allow myself to be ensnared by dangerous men. As if men are within their rights.

Well fuck them.

…At least I managed to surprise Kyoya-senpai by telling him he was really a kind person. And I genuinely believe that. Just, he's a kind person who is absolutely full of himself in his little world. Like the rest of the princes, kings, and knights of the Host Club.

And, I guess, like me too. Only different in that they—as males—automatically had the upper hand. Their right to be full of themselves unquestioned. As a female, my right is questioned.

Huh, I guess they did have a point that there is a glaring dissimilarity between their gender and mine, and I should acknowledge it.

…Still, that doesn't mean I will be their damsel in distress, their trophy. The difference in our genders doesn't mean I should stand on the side lines in the face of danger; not when there's something—anything—I could do. Gender should not matter. They will acknowledge me. I will show them I am their equal.

How?

By shamelessly being my own fucking princess.


End file.
